I woke up early this morning to have Jake* delivered to my room. I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could. We had a great day singing & looking at the trees through the windows. I'm amazed at how peaceful he is. Since he was born, i haven't really heard him full-out cry. He whimpers & complains. He makes the cutest sounds and he's very alert. he doesn't sleep much.

I am in so much pain, but it didn't even matter once Jake* came into my room. I was focused on him...

Leaving the hospital was absolutely devastating. It hurt so bad to leave Jake* behind. To see a mother leaving with her newborn the same time as me was heart wrenching. It was like someone stabbed me in the side, it hurt like hell. Why does she get to keep her baby? It's not fair. When we pulled away from the hospital, I kept looking backwards because I felt like I left a huge part of me behind.

Arriving back at the dorm was pure hell. I was so glad Sandrine was the weekend houseparent. Amara* greeted me to our room with a smile even though we had our differences the day I left. As soon as Cynthia left me, Sandrine, & Amara* alone I broke down in tears & fell into Sandrine's arms. She knew it was hard for me to leave Jake* behind. The rest of the day I shared pictures with Amara* & talked to Rachel* about the labor process. Then I just been keeping to myself.

If it hurt to leave Jake* at the hospital, I can't even imagine what placement day will be like...