I slept so good last night. I think it was a mixture of my emotions I'm going through & the fact that I still haven't caught up to the exhaustion of giving birth...

I woke up knowing that it's going to be a rough morning. I met with Kim today to sign my papers. Yes I officially signed my parental rights away today. I thought I'd be okay because I've read through the sample papers several times to prepare myself. Yeah... It didn't help. Actually hearing Kim say things like"it's in the child's best interest that this child-parent relationship is terminated permanently".---- It hit you like a ton a bricks. I think I was trying to be strong & hold it in, but when Heather looked at me and reassured me that it's ok to cry, I lost it.

I know this is what I needed to do, but it doesn't mean it hurt any less. I'm going through this pain to give Jake* the best life possible, I know that. They could have been a little nicer with the words in the legal documents...

I had my first visit with Jake* at Gladney today too. I was so excited when I saw Mary walking down the hall with him. Mary ended staying most of the visit talking with me about everything. I'm so glad me & Jake* got her for transitional care! When Jake* & I were alone, Jake* got his first ride in a swing & he loved it. We also played paddy cake & itsy bitsy spider. Then we just rocked in the rocking chair while I told him again why I'm sharing him with Brent & Stacy* and how much I loved him. Eventually Mary came to pick him up & we said our goodbyes, I was okay because I knew I would see him again tomorrow..

I called Brent & Stacy* to tell them about my first visit with Jake* & that I signed my papers. They already knew about the papers. They offered to pay for me to stay at a hotel until my mom comes Tuesday.. I would have jumped on the offer, but I wouldn't have a way of getting to my visits. And I wasn't about to miss out on my Jake* visits.