So, apparently Gladney has a curse. All the girls come into Gladney barely looking pregnant, but after a week or two here, you're suddenly looking HUGE!! I'm lucky because I haven't really had problems during this pregnancy. No heartburn or morning sickness. No excessive weight gain. It feels great! I'm slowly starting to show...

OOOO!! I finally turned in my specific requests for my potential AP's. I tried not to be too picky. Two of my major requests were that the couple has been married for a while. I want my son to have a mom AND a dad, so I don't want to choose a couple that could possibly get divorced. I know you can't guarantee that, but I just think you have better chances if they've been together for awhile. Number two is that they have extended family nearby. I just want him to a have a BIG family. I want my AP's to be religious or spiritual. I believe if you have religion in your life it makes you a stronger person. BUT my most important request so... The couple has to be from Texas. I want the chance to form a bond with them. Not just to make myself feel better with my decision, but also so the parents know me. I would like them to be able to tell our son that we were friends, & let him truly know what kind of person I am. :)

I hope that's not to picky...

I can't wait to get profiles!!

I GOT A SONO TODAY!! My baby is so handsome. Haha. I don't know anything like weight, etc. since Dr. Irwin wasn't there.

Of course I cried when I saw the images. It's so hard to believe I have a little human being in me. The heart was the point in which I cried hardest. Just seeing his little heart beating... It's amazing.

The guy gave me some still shots of him. I couldn't wait to show the girls, but of course I couldn't remember what they were of. Haha. How horrible is that??

Finally we figured out one was of his face, the other a profile view, & lastly a picture of his little manhood.

I'm telling you he's HANDSOME!!

:)

Wednesdays, 4:00p.m.= Loving Decisions. Or in other words "group therapy". Today was my first session. Some of the girls told me its a joke, but I actually found it kinda helpful. April, a caseworker & former birth mom, runs the group. I like her; she actually knows what we're going through. Today the topic was the stages of grief. We were discussing it because obviously all us girls are gonna be grieving after placement. I don't even want to think about sad/mad/alone/guilty I'm going to feel once I go home. I just want this adoption to go smoothly. I want to pick the best adoptive parents. I want them to raise my son with knowledge of my existence, & for him not to hate me.I think those are my two worst fears. That I'll pick the wrong AP's who won't keep me updated, or they won't tell our son about me. That's hard to say... "Our son". I just want to scream He's my son!! but I figured it will help me to say "ours" from here on out to prepare myself. It will make things easier at the end.

Wow. I got sidetracked. Haha

I pray every night that God will help me through this whole process. I know people may laugh at me and say " You had sex an d got pregnant. That's what happened." But I honestly think this was God's plan for me. I was meant to bring this baby boy into this world to share him with a wonderful couple.

I know I totally contradicted myself there... You can't help but to have negative thoughts about the AP situation, But I have faith that God will help me through this. He won't let me suffer.

Happy B-day to Me!!

What a boring b-day.:( But... at least I got cupcakes!!!

I just wish I could have been with family & friends.

The big 23... Whoo! I should be proud of myself... Not... Look where you are Samantha. You are 7 months pregnant. with the possibility of 2 fathers. You're behind in school, you had to lie to your friends as to where you went, & you majorly disappointed your parents. On second thought, maybe you deserve to spend your birthday alone...

Visited with Kim today. It was productive. She gave me a paper to write down my specifications of potential AP's. I've been here trying to fill it out. but it's like... How do I know what kind of family will be best for my baby? This is most likely the hardest decision I'll ever have to make. I want the best parents & best life for my baby, but this is there such a miracle? Ugh, this is so hard. I know I can't have anyone help me choose, it has to be MY decision. I gonna request to get two couples profiles that I liked online. Hopefully, I'll just know when I see the right profile???

Happy B-day Shane!!
It sucks not to be with your boyfriend on his b-day. He says he understands why I think I need to do adoption. So at least I have his support. I think...

Well it was my first weekend outing... A volunteer (a previous AP) took us out to a museum, but once we saw how busy it was, we decided to go to lunch instead. We went to Black Eyed Pea. I got to know some of the other girls better. At least it got me out of the dorm too! HAHA!!

Yay! Everything is okay with my baby boy! :)BUT he pushed my due date up by a week and a half. Dr. Irwin is nice. He has a funny laugh, but he makes you feel ok with your decision about adoption. You gotta give him alot of admiration for dealing with all the Gladney girls.

Next Thursday. I get a sono. I can't wait!:)

Nothing to exciting today. Sigh . . . I know I worried Mom & Dad tonight. I called them crying hysterically about how bad I hate it here. I feel bad. I am putting them thru a lot. I didn't mean to upset them like this. I know I'm doing the right thing, but it's so hard not to have them with me. I'm sorry mom & Dad for everything.

Tomorrow I meet Dr. Irwin. Yay. Nothing better than being examined. Haha. Right . . .

I met with Kim today. That was good, but rough. I was glad to have met the woman who will be helping me thru this whole ordeal. But at the same time, very emotional because it hit me that I'm actually going to go thru with this. We talked a lot about everything. She said it will be at least 2 more weeks until I get my profiles which sucks. I want them now!!

Hello from Texas! :) I am officially in Fort Worth, Texas, and moved into the maternity dorm at the Gladney Center for Adoption. I said goodbye to Mom & Dad this morning. I cried the whole first flight. It was hard as hell to tell them I was pregnant, but it was even harder to move down here knowing my parents wouldn't be around to help me through this. They may be disappointed in me, but at least I know I have their support. Anyways, back to the dorm. I have a roomie, Britt*. she's twenty-five and from around here. She seems cool. None of the other girls attempted to talk to me. However, I got to attend a 2 hr. dorm meeting where the girls complained that no one does their chores. Ha ha. Not a good first impression. After that, I sorta locked myself in my room. I'm gonna talk to Britt some more & call it an early night. Tomorrow I meet my caseworker, Kim. Hopefully that goes well.