Wednesdays, 4:00p.m.= Loving Decisions. Or in other words "group therapy". Today was my first session. Some of the girls told me its a joke, but I actually found it kinda helpful. April, a caseworker & former birth mom, runs the group. I like her; she actually knows what we're going through. Today the topic was the stages of grief. We were discussing it because obviously all us girls are gonna be grieving after placement. I don't even want to think about sad/mad/alone/guilty I'm going to feel once I go home. I just want this adoption to go smoothly. I want to pick the best adoptive parents. I want them to raise my son with knowledge of my existence, & for him not to hate me.I think those are my two worst fears. That I'll pick the wrong AP's who won't keep me updated, or they won't tell our son about me. That's hard to say... "Our son". I just want to scream He's my son!! but I figured it will help me to say "ours" from here on out to prepare myself. It will make things easier at the end.

Wow. I got sidetracked. Haha

I pray every night that God will help me through this whole process. I know people may laugh at me and say " You had sex an d got pregnant. That's what happened." But I honestly think this was God's plan for me. I was meant to bring this baby boy into this world to share him with a wonderful couple.

I know I totally contradicted myself there... You can't help but to have negative thoughts about the AP situation, But I have faith that God will help me through this. He won't let me suffer.