So on Friday Dr. Irwin said the sono looks good. He's quesstimating that Jake* is 8.5-9 lbs. That's a big boy to push out of me. I joked around about being induced, but he wasn't very happy. According to him, the baby will come out when he's ready. Ugh. I only have 16 days... May 1st can't come soon enough. I'm starting to get to where Britt* was, with the " I WANT THIS BABY OUT OF ME!" feeling.

...speaking of Britt*, she had her placement day this weekend. I gave Sara a letter to give to Britt* with all my contact info because i figured I wouldn't be seeing her anymore. BY my surprise, Britt* called me shortly before her placement was to begin. I went down to visit real quick. She was dressing Ann as I walked in... Britt* seemed to be holding it together. I told her she's in my prayers & to never hesitate to contact me. I said my goodbye to Ann, then I gave Britt* a hug. That's when I felt all the emotions she was going through. The hurt, the doubt, the anger, the joy... all of it. We just hugged for a few minutes & then I left. I wanted her to have a few last minutes with her daughter.

You know, Britt* was a crazy roomie. at times, but I love her to death. I'm so glad I got to meet her & go through this experience together. I can honestly say, that I see her as friend for life.

Yay! I had my sono today! My last pictures of Jake* when he's inside of me. I'm sticking to my word... He is going to be a handsome big boy. I can already tell by his alien-like picture. Hahaha. He looks smart too.

I go to Dr. Irwin tomorrow to see what he has to say about the sono.

Ugh. Another boring weekend. Just kinda lounged around. I'm feeling for Britt*; I know her placement day is coming up. I think alot of girls are gonna be having their placements days soon...

I don't even want to think about placement. I made up my mind, I'm doing 1 or 2 weeks with Jake*, depending on when mom flies out & back.

I'm scared to see mom. The last time we saw each other was Feb. 19th... she's disappointed in me, but at least she wants to fly out for moral support on placement day. I need to sign my papers before she comes tho, because I don't need any of that "are you sure?" business. I know I'm doing what I need to for Jake*.

It's just a strange thought that the next time my mom sees me, I'll be a mother to a beautiful baby boy.

I really hope she can come. At least that way someone in my life will have met Jake*. I know it will be hard for her and my dad to think of Jake* as a grandson... but I still wish that both of them could meet him. Hopefully maybe when Jake* is older, he'll want to meet the other half of his family in PA...

Hey! a girl can dream!

And if I've learned anything through this whole thing, it's to think positive!

Went to Dr. Irwin today. Jake's * heartbeat & weight are perfect. Dr. Irwin still thinks he's going to be a big baby!

But Yay! I get to have my last sono on next Thursday.

I've been working on my scrapbook... it's been taking me a long time to finish it. However it won't be complete until I have pictures of me & the baby. I just hope that Brent & Stacy* do truly share this with Jake*.

Oh yeah I forgot to write that I talked to them about names. They each had a choice... Stacy* chose Jake * & Brent*chose Jesse. I naturally sided with Stacy* because when I hear the name Jesse for a boy I think of Uncle Jesse from Full House, and the is not what I want to think of when I am thinking of our son. Haha. I like Jake* though... it sounds Southern.

You know, I wonder if my parents supported me coming to Texas & my decision to do an adoption plan, to benefit them? This way they don't have to be embarrassed by an unwed pregnant daughter? I hate to think that. I hope they support my decision because they believe that I'm doing what's best for my son.

I know just two days ago I was telling you how much I love my AP's... and don't get me wrong, my opinion has definitely not changed. It's just being that my due date is one month away, it's putting some doubts in my head. I know I'm doing the right thing for my son. I won't change my mind because I know I'm not ready to be a mom. Plus I couldn't crush Brent & Stacy * like that. However there's once again the little voice in my head that's saying not to sign the papers. Raise him. I wish I could...but if I can't raise him, I would be honored that Brent and Stacy* will...