Kim let me know that the possible father #2 agreed to sign. He's signing today @ 5pm.

I am so relieved.

Kim told me not to have any more contact with the JERK. She's gonna have Keely from legal contact him. She said many people go thru this & the father ends up signing becuz he doesn't have the money to fight the mother. I hope that's the case.

Happy news time: my face to face will be on March 25th. I can't wait!! :)

Anne Elaine is absolutely beautiful. I stopped in on Britt's* nursery visit today. Ann has the prettiest face & the fullest head of black hair ADORABLE!! She's so tiny. I didn't want to hold her, I was too freaked out. But Britt* seemed good with her. I guess it's that mother instinct...

On a less happy note. I got a text from possible father #2. He told me he's not signing the papers. He will have his girlfriend help raise the baby. I'm so pissed off. He was the one who said he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby. But now after I accept what I am doing & I pick my son's parent's, he tells me he wants to raise the child.

Hell No!!

What am I supposed to do? He's messing up my entire plan. I he doesn't want to sign the papers, I'm gonna raise my son. I'm not letting him & his "girlfriend" raise MY son. UGH! I need to talk to Kim...

At least Shane* signed his papers.

Sigh... Boring weekend. I'm ready to have the baby . I'm starting to sleep less and pee more. Ha. It sucks. I can't sleep comfortably. I always wake up on my back freaking out because you aren't suppose to lie on your back. It cuts off a major vein or something of that sort. I'm used to sleeping on my belly, but I can't :(. I guess I can't complain because this is my first side effect from pregnancy.

and damn it, it still don't know when my face-to-face with Brent and Stacy* is going to be. :( I think I'm gonna frame a sono picture for them. And I found a poem I want to print & frame for them.

Ugh. I don't think Britt* is coming back to the dorm. She hasn't been back yet. I have a feeling she is gonna stay home & just come back to do her visits. I don't blame her...

Yay! Britt's* baby Ann Elaine was welcomed into the world today! Congrats Britt*! She's really healthy and beautiful. :)

so today Kim & I filled out my post adoption agreement. I had to decide if & when I wanted to get updates. Of course I do, I just gotta pray that my AP's will send them since it's an agreement of the heart.

I'm getting closer to some of the other girls here. I think it's important for me to have contacts that are going through the same thing...

OMG. I haven't written in awhile. A lot has happened... The other day, we had a "panel". It was when all us birth moms at the dorm & community got together to listen to some speakers. The guest speakers were a past birth mom & her mom, a Gladney adoptee, & past adoptive parents. The birth mom spoke about her adoption journey. Everything from telling her family she was pregnant, to details about her placement day. She had some problems with her AP's. She picked a couple but it didn't work out which left her heartbroken & she eventually made connection with a wonderful couple. She warned us that placement day will be the hardest thing we will do. But at least she is living proof that you can accept this & move on to a normal happy life without forgetting your child. She still hears form her AP's & is doing okay. I enjoyed hearing the Gladney adoptee speak. She was shared through adoption over 20 years ago. She was honest with all her feelings about being adopted. She admitted the she wondered why her mom wouldn't have wanted her. She came on a tour of Gladney & imagined what her mother went through. She said she wasn't sure if she wanted to meet her mother, but eventually she did. They still have a relationship to this day & her & her two mothers get together. I can only hope that my adoption turns out as positive... The adoptive parents spoke last. It was interesting hearing the process they went through. They already had a biological daughter, then decided to adopt. It was heartwarming hearing them share about being chosen by their birth mother & getting to know her. They still keep in contact with their birth mom &they actually get together once a year.They said the birth mom doesn't want to meet her son yet. It would be awesome to have that offered. I would take hat offer in a heartbeat. Not even to be offered to see your child, but to get together with your AP's after the adoption is final. At least you'd get to heat their voices & hear funny stories about your child. But that probably won't happen... That's why it's only "semi-open" anyways, this panel was very enlightening. Just to hear how everyone felt, it was helpful.

So Britt's* been having problems. She's been put on bed rest because she was putting on weight like crazy. And her blood pressure was through the roof. Next she woke me up in the middle of an evening because she was bleeding, so she was taken to the hospital. She came back with a urine collection container & was stuck in bed again. Finally, she went to Dr. Irwin & got induced today!! She's probably thrilled. She wanted her baby girl out of her. Haha. Britt's* daughter she be welcomed to the world soon.

So I talked with Stacy* again too. Shea called me the other day to get to know me. We talked a good while. We found out we have many things in common such as being in drama & color guard in high school, having all sisters & family's with every one's first name beginning with "S", & the fact that we both love to make brownies. Haha. I just feel so comfortable talking with them. It feels like I've known them forever. They aren't much older than me, so I don't know , I'm kinda feeling as if they are my siblings. sounds weird, I know. But hell, they're going to be my family soon. I hope our face-to-face goes well. I'm so nervous. I want to give them a gift when I meet them. Something special...

I am getting HUGE!! It's like my stomach grew out of nowhere. Dr. Irwin keeps telling me that the baby is a BIG boy. That's kinda scary. I don't want them to have to give me a C-section! I can tell the baby is getting bigger, he can't tumble anymore. He can only kick. It's all baby down there! I'm scared as hell to actually go thru giving birth, but I'm so anxious to meet my little man. :)

You know it is true... when you pick your adoptive parents, it feels like this huge weight got lifted off of my shoulders. I'm so excited... I know that's weird to say, but I am excited. I want to get to know Brent and Stacy*! Choosing them means I'm one step closer to making a wonderful plan for my son's life. I feel like I'm doing the right thing for my son & me. I want him to have a fabulous life...the life he deserves and I am confident the Stacy & Brent* can give that to him. I wonder when my face- to face will be?? :)